By: Dr. Gregory Popcak
I recently fielded the following question from a concerned parent. Find my response below:
“My son is four years old and I have discovered that he has been playing with himself. I don’t want him to get the idea that his body is “bad” but I also want him to understand that what he is doing is wrong and offends God. What should I do? Please help.”
First, remain calm. The Vatican’s document, Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality tells us that it is not uncommon for parents to witness genital activity in their children “from the earliest age” and the best thing to do is correct such behaviors “gently.”
At this age, genital touching is not any more erotic for the child than other self-comforting, yet inappropriate behaviors such as picking his nose or ears or sucking his thumb. There are many things that make a four year old feel insecure, and in those times, he wants to hold something that makes him feel good. Let’s face it, inappropriate though it may be, genital touching feels good.
The first step is to simply correct his touching the same way you would correct him if he was picking his nose; with a calm, pleasant, “No thank you honey, please stop.” If the behavior persists, recognize it for the (non-sexual) comfort seeking activity that it is, and use the indirect approach. When you see him touching himself, simply scoop him up in your arms and give him a big hug and a silly kiss (the kind that makes him belly laugh). This has the dual effect of distracting him from the behavior, while giving him the comfort he is seeking. Try to be extra attentive to those times when he is bored, tired, or frustrated and be present with the extra affection. Do this consistently, and the behavior should disappear within two-four weeks.
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If you would like more in depth information about this topic as well as other topics related to raising sexually whole and holy kids, check out my book, Beyond the Birds and the Bees.